I drove straight to church from work tonight, wishing I had an extra two arms. Birds were all around me, just gracefully gliding through the air. The sun was starting to set, and the silhouettes were stunning against the dusky backdrop. I wanted nothing more than a picture of these majestic creatures just soaring. Just the simple reminder that those gorgeous birds had two choices this afternoon. Rest peacefully perched on their branch, in their little nest. Or take a risk and fly gracefully through the night sky.
The crazy thing about God is that He never asks you to do something He isn't capable of walking you through. I mean, He is God. In front of me looms deadlines approaching faster than I can meet them. Homework undone. Laundry that begs to be folded and put away, just so. A floor that needs to be vacuumed. And my bed beckons me to rest, slipping away to a peaceful place not too far away. All I can do is just sit here and hear those words... "It's time to soar." I am frozen in place it seems. Too uncertain to just let go and embrace the moment. It's like I'm in too much of a hurry to reflect on how many times He's ever forgotten me, left me alone, or not given me enough strength for this day.
In the midst of overwhelming schedules, all I can think about is how free those birds must feel. Wind propelling them forward, ruffling their feathers. Nothing weighing them down. Just the beauty and ability of God keeping them in the sky. Makes me wonder, did they feel fear or anxiety before opening their wings? Or did they just let go and soar?
As I start this new chapter in life, I get so excited. For the first time in a long time, things have just fallen into place. Yes, it is crazy and chaotic and I am half-awake and half-asleep as I type this. But it all just... fits. That's how I know undoubtedly that this is where God is directing me.
Still, there is this teeny little spark. What if I don't make it? What if my grades aren't good enough? What if this? What if that? Can I really make it? The fear starts to creep in. Again. This stupid, ridiculous, pathetic fear. How in the world can I make it?
Deep down, I hear the gentle words of the sweetest Daddy... "Just breathe. In and out. You are going to make it. Not because you are enough, but because I AM. Now, let it all go, and soar."
I came across this blog post yesterday. Felt God asking me to lay down very specific parts of who I am. Surrender. Not my dreams and goals, but parts of me that are getting in the way of who He wants me to be. Those things that are keeping me in chains to parts of my life I don't want to be bound to.
And this begins the challenge. What am I allowing myself to be limited to? Defined as? What am I allowing to stop me? What is keeping me from from soaring?
I am more than...
my imperfections. my unfolded laundry piles.
my marital status. my past.
my grades. my failures.
my regrets. my impatience.
All of these things.... Standing in the way of who He says I am. He looks at me, sees me flaws. My overwhelmed heart. That time this morning I snapped at my child because she lost her shoe. Or the other day when I spilled my coffee and cried (yes, literally cried over spilled coffee!). And still looks at me, and tells me I am more than valuable. I'm priceless. A masterpiece. He tells me I am more than a conqueror, because His perfect love that resides within me never fails. He tells me I am more than my goals and dreams, because His plan and purpose for me is perfect.
And yet, here I am. Clinging to my best efforts, in an effort to make Him see me. To let Him know I am giving it all I have. Trying (and failing) to tackle my list, my deadlines, my chaos, in my own strength. Instead of letting go. Letting His grace and strength be sufficient. Embracing His abilities. Trusting enough to just let go of the branches I am so tightly clinging to and just soar...