When I sit back and think, my thoughts often get the best of me. Instead of remembering all of the incredible blessings, it is often easy for me to get overwhelmed with the responsibilities mommy-hood has brought me. I often long for more than what is right around me, anxious for the future. It is incredibly easy to fall into the glass-half-empty (or completely bone-dry) mentality. I feel so pulled in so many different directions, without much time to just stop, sit back and not have to think about anything. In my study time, I have read repeatedly, "Be still." For anyone that knows me, being still or calm or quiet is not my strong suit. Neither is waiting. And yet, "Be still. Just wait."
I had a moment of complete humiliation last week, and have struggled with it since. I have beat myself up because of things I could have done differently, things I could have said, wishing I had the nerve for a confrontation to really get the things off my chest that I want to. I have prayed for wisdom, as well as the ability to put it behind me and forget all about it. Then, something new popped up. At this point, I am so incredibly ticked off at myself for not just being the forgiving person I am. I felt walked on and hurt. Again, I didn't understand how I was supposed to be gaining strength from opposition. I looked at all of the events with a glass so dry, it was growing brittle and on the verge of shattering to a million pieces. And yet, my God reminded me this morning, I might be on the verge of shattering, but he hasn't dropped me, and he isn't going to let me fall. I sit safely in the palm of his hand. Anything that crosses my path is because He placed it there.
While I can't honestly say I feel like my glass is completely full and overflowing this morning, I can say I know it isn't going to break. It is definitely half full. I have so much. God isn't telling me I won't ever have the things I want, He is just telling me they won't happen this second. I can't see past this moment. I am trusting that He has it all figured out, I just have to let Him show me the way. So, instead of worrying about the when and where, I am going to force myself to just be thankful for the here and now. And there is much to be thankful for.