Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Ten Years...

Today has been an amazing day.  I woke up knowing it would be difficult.  However, God had better plans.  I love days like today, when I think one way, then my God shows up and shows me His incredibly amazing love.  And, even better yet, on Valentine's Day.   

A brief glimpse at the past: Ten years ago, I went to work not knowing that particular shift would forever change my life.  This night so many years back, I was proposed to.  I accepted and at seventeen thought that the phrase "Will you marry me?" was bound to bring the most incredible parts with it. 

Fast forward through an entire decade (wow, I sound old!) and I realize that even then God had incredible plans for me.  I am beginning to realize that had I chosen a different answer then, I wouldn't be me now.  Because of my choice, I faced many demons: unplanned pregnancies, abuse, miscarriage, alcoholism, depression, single parenthood, along with quite a few others.  Because of His grace, today I face a bright future.  My unplanned pregnancies gave me a few of my three greatest joys.  The abuse allowed me to be able to have compassion on and say the right prayers for those who are going through it now.  Miscarriages are harder, as I still long for those precious babies, but know God had a bigger picture.  However, if I had had even one of them, I may not have the beautiful little girls I have now.  Alcoholism is another tough one, however, I have learned how easy it is to just look the other way.  I will never again judge an individual for not standing up to someone for causing such incredible harm and pain against others they love.  Never again - I get it.  The battles I have faced in the last year are among my hardest fights, but also my greatest victories.  I have my life.  I have the joy of raising three little girls to be strong women of faith.  I can not only help them through life, but also show them how to live it and walk it out.  It isn't easy, that is for sure.  I have the best support system a girl could ever ask for.  God has blessed me with the opportunity of an incredibly fun job, all while going to school so that I can really support myself and my daughters.  I can't say it enough: God is SO good!

And friends.  I don't even know where to start with this one.  I am one really blessed lady.  One year ago today, I remember sitting alone on my couch, thinking pitifully sad, lonely thoughts.  Thoughts about how difficult the day was, pondering where life was going to lead me, how would I survive?  I remember feeling like I had nobody I could call.  Today, God has shown me that sometimes in those lonely times, He wants and desires for me to talk to Him.  I am so much better now because I felt I had no one but Him then.  I can't help but feel that someone is going to read this at some point and feel as lonely as I did then.  Let me just say this.  If this is you, please, stop reading and pray.  Let God know that you are lonely.  Let Him know how bad it hurts to want someone - anyone - to talk to.  He will fill you to the point you can't take anymore.  And, really, it is so much easier to depend on God for the things I need (even something as simple as friends) than to worry and stress over what I think I need, or that I am not getting what I need/want when I think I need/want it. 

I woke up this morning with a prayer for a few things.  One was a new situation at work.  The other was for strength to get through the day.  And let me just say this: He came through bigger and better than I could have EVER imagined. 

Hoping this Valentine's Day was as incredible for each of you as it has been for me! 

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