Sunday, October 7, 2012

Getting Ready...

So, I am sitting in the middle of several piles of clothes, shoes, small things to keep the girls busy, and clothes I still need to fold and put away.  And a room that needs me to finish cleaning it.  And the girls' room that needs ten minutes of my time.  And the luggage that needs to be pulled out.  And yet I can't seem to get over some seemingly small things.

Like gorgeous fall colors.  I am loving watching the reds, oranges and yellows come out.  And sitting here thinking about it gets me all excited, because in 24 hours from right now, I will be experiencing those same intensely beautiful colors in a cabin, secluded with the girls, ready for a small getaway from the craziness that is life. 

Like God's ability to just love me.  Yeah, sorta fall related, cause I feel like He puts on this amazingly beautiful display of colors just for me, just cause He loves me like that.  Conceited, selfish, whatever.  It's probably true for each of us.  He does some pretty awesome stuff, just to show off how much He loves us.  For some of us, it is fall leaves, for others a fish that was this big.  Some find goodness in the quiet stillness of morning's first light, others sitting beneath the stars.  Regardless, He loves us.  He created this beautiful place for us to enjoy.  While I feel silly saying this is proof of how much He loves us, I happen to know God could've created it ugly just as easy as beautiful. 

Like peace.  Such a small simple concept, and yet such a massively powerful feeling.  Even despite not knowing what God's plans are for me, I have this amazing surge of peace, knowing He has called me for greatness.  Single, married, divorced, whatever.  Speaking to women or cuddling with kids, doesn't really matter, He is gonna get the glory.  It's really His story, after all.

Like laughter.  The amazing sounds of laughing women, giggling children, and all of creation just bursting forth with this sound that is just happy.  Like nothing could take the fun happiness out of this moment, and I am going to laugh.  Doesn't matter what tomorrow brings, I am right here in this moment, and it is good, so laugh.  Smile.  Delight in it.  Don't worry needlessly about tomorrow's battle. 

I am starting to seriously feel guilty, because I know in a few hours, I am going to wish that I hadn't sat down and written a few thoughts out.  I know that I am going to feel a little stressed at the thought of four hours trapped in the car with the girls.  I might snap a time or two, or cry, because I am a girl, after all. 

But then...  This moment of serenity is going to come.  Memories are going to be made.  Cabins and woods are going to be explored - cautiously, but explored.  Bubble baths and play-doh time, picnic lunches and blueberry pancakes, enjoying God's masterpiece that is fall.  Knowing the girls and I are safe.  We are loved.  We are forgiven.  And we are each capable of being so much more than these things that hold us where we are right now. 

My heart just feels so full, and while I know a short trip in less than 24 hours is part of it, I also know it is because God has consumed the whole of it.  I want to stand on top of a mountain and just praise Him, because He is just awesome.  And, honestly, I think the girls and I are gonna do just that... 

Not sure whether or not I will post this week or not, but if I do, I do.  If I don't, just know I am soaking up some massive doses of memories, fun, laughter and little girl time.  And relaxing soaks in a hot tub, thank you Jesus.  :)  So thankful for where I am right now, even though it has taken rough experiences to get here.  God definitely knows what He is doing, even if I don't understand it at all. 

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