Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Through the Eyes of a Child

I had one of those days today.  You know the type.  My alarm never went off, the girls didn't want to wear what I needed them to wear, and today was a self-inflicted deadline I wasn't looking forward to.  By 7:05, I was ready to call in sick, pull the covers back up over my head and go back to sleep.  I hate days like this.  It is days like this I can feel depression, regret, self-pity and complete anger seep in and take control.  I pretty much hate days like this. 

After determining that I couldn't bail out on my responsibilities (and that was really a temptation, as all of my kids overslept with me), I put on my pretend happy face and got moving.  Why do we as people feel the need to put on a face that is so fake everyone sees through it but you?  I struggled all morning, sitting on the brink of tears.  Finally, a friend led us in prayer at work, and I lost it.  Immediately, peace overtook me.  Why do we feel like praying for peace and wisdom is a sign of failure or weakness?  I don't understand, because as soon as I allow God's peace to wash over me, I feel completely weightless, like I could literally float through air.  I am so thankful that I have learned I can have that blessing anytime I need it.  Even when I am not perfect. 

Anyway, this is really the part I wanted to share, because it made my day.  I am so blessed to have a job I absolutely love.  The kids I get to teach make my life so much happier.  I can struggle with junk at home, go to work, and come home completely forgetting the struggles that will be there waiting for me.  Anyone that has a heart for kids will completely agree how valuable working with kids is.  Ok, off track again, I was in my classroom prepping for my kiddos to arrive, and looking pretty awful.  I had total red eyes from crying, my makeup was gone, and my hair was totally flat, as I had to opt out of my shower this morning.  One of my students' moms came in and said she had to tell me a story.  Her little guy was so excited about going to school today.  When she asked him why, he told he because he had the prettiest teacher.  The weight of the world fell off of my shoulders.  This little guy didn't see the streaked makeup, the blotchy eyes, or the flipping-out-at-all-the-wrong-angles hair-do I was sporting.  He saw Ms. Cil, the prettiest teacher. 

This really made me think on and off all day about the way God sees us.  Yeah, he really sees us.  He knows all of the horribly evil thoughts and plans I was thinking about regarding some situations happening in my life right now.  He knows I struggle with fear, anger, and regret.  He knows that if I allow it, my past haunts me.  However, he doesn't use those things against me.  He just kinda wraps his arms around us and says, "You know, its ok.  I have you.  I have your fears.  I have your hurts.  I have your back, too, and your heart.  Just let this all go.  It really doesn't matter.  I love you for you.  Not for what you can do for me, but just for you.  I love you in spite of your mistakes, your worries and those extra pieces of chocolate you snuck from the candy dish.  Let these things go and see what I can do.  I will fill you with peace.  I will help you walk in wisdom and courage.  I will give you the strength you need to finish this battle.  Cause, you see, I have already won it.  I know the rest of the story.  And, I love you anyway."

So, today, I am so thankful for the most adorable mohawked little boy I know.  I am thankful his momma shared with me, and most of all, I am thankful that God can use a totally random funny story to completely change my thought process.  I am gonna go to bed tonight one really happy teacher.  :)


  1. Oy... this site just deleted the comment I posted! Arghhhh...
    Moving on-
    I love this post! There's so much I can relate to. You reminded me today about how I need to come to God throughout my day when something is wrong. I need to allow Him to take my burdens & let His Grace wash over me like clean water.
    And I love being able to stay connected with your life & your thoughts through your blog! This is awesome. You're a good writer, too (even though I know you're saying right now, "No, I'm not!" lol).

  2. Hahaha, how did you know I was thinking that?? I don't post as often as I should. I never ever post two days in a row. Except today. :)

    Moving on, I have learned in the last few months to just let God do it. Whatever it is, let it all go. I am such a control person. I don't necessarily want to be in control of the situation, but I want to control what doesn't happen. Anyway, being content to wait is so much easier than it used to be. Glad you are enjoying it.