I feel so stinking blessed tonight. Things are not going at all the way I planned them. And yet, I sit in peace (and quiet, too!!!) knowing that my way isn't always the right way or the only way. I am resting in the fact that I have given up control, and am in the process of happily accepting a different way of life than I expected. I know God has me sitting calmly in the palm of his hand, even in my craziness, because I can sit back and look at these amazingly precious little girls, and feel SO incredibly thankful to be there Momma.
So often, I feel overloaded with the responsibilities of what being a mom really takes out of me. And not just the work and schedule part, but the role-model part. The attempts to control what I really want to say, and instead say what I don't mind people overhearing. The late nights when I really just want to sleep, but instead, get to spend three extra hours rocking a little girl that just won't stop crying, and all with a joyful heart. I want to do this mom-thing amazingly awesome. I don't want to ever doubt my mommy capabilities. I want to just know I have what it takes. I want to be that mom that is enough of a mom to make them step up and be good kids, while still being "cool" enough to be the house their friends want to be at. I want to do a good enough job that my girls want my advice and opinions, instead of being the example of what not to do. I want to show them how to have an amazing time, and find joy in the simplicities of life. Joy just like this:
Seeing this girl's smile makes me so happy. A $2.00 carousel ride was worth a million bucks in my book. Watching the girls enjoy something so simple and enjoy it so whole-heartedly just made me overjoyed with life. There are so many times I feel so down. There are so many things I can't do for the girls. So many things the girls will do without. There are so many days I just long for a padded bank account to be able to splurge every once in a while. But the last week has really made me rethink what I want and what I need in life. These days have made me realize it isn't the iPod's, the Justice clothes, or those new cowgirl boots that really make life worth it. It is moments like these...
Moments when we can take totally random moments in life and make them fun. When we can turn something a competelyordinary, normal day and make the day extra-ordinary. When I can ignore the girls' dirty faces, the way their hair falls 20 minutes after we leave the house, the crazy looks I get from perfect strangers and just sit back and laugh with three little girls who are living fully in today. Not worrying about what others think or are saying. Not worrying about when the bills get paid. Not even worrying about what tomorrow will or won't hold, but just being perfectly happy to be right where they are. Even when they are covered in three layers of grunge...
|This girl was covered from head to toe in dirt. |
She absolutely loved every single second of it!
Moments when we focus on what is in front of us (or in Cassie's case, underneath us), instead of focusing on what we quite possibly may never see. Trying to see things with the girls, through their eyes, has been such a blessing this last week. Cassie was absolutely overjoyed when she saw this picture. She loves anything that has to do with horses, cowgirls and boots. She loved posing on this fairly large cow, and did a great job doing it. Later, when she saw this picture, she laughed and said, "Mommy, look, I really am a cowgirl now! See, cow and girl!" She even sat like a lady while on the oversized plastic (fiberglass, maybe?) cow. These girls are such an amazing gift. Even on days like today, when I am so tired I can hardly think straight, I know they are amazing gifts. So, tonight, I go fall pretty much exhausted into bed, but still so excited that I get to do more life with them by my side tomorrow. :)